Ohmaffug!!! - Page 2

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Hmmm, you're back in too, looks like the filters need tweaking.
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Please go fcuk yourself.

No fcuking chance of that.
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Spurs 1 Manchester United 8 - 2003/04

Manchester United's march towards the 2003/04 Premiership title continued today with a stunning display at White Hart Lane. The Super Reds went ahead just before the kick-off when Giggs was sent away down the left wing.

His cross was handled on the half way line by a Spurs defender and a penalty was awarded for this cynical foul. Ruud Van Nistlerooy stepped up to slot the ball home for United's 33rd penalty of the season. It was no more than United deserved.

The 15th minute saw the Super-Smashing Reds go two up after Jamie Redknapp was penalised for coughing just outside the area. David Beckham's resultant free kick was slightly miss-hit, but even if the keeper was not being pinned to the floor by Roy Keane, he would not have saved it. 2-0. It was no more than United deserved.

The 21st minute saw more trouble for Spurs when Mariccio Tarrico was sent-off for enquiring about the referee's Man United shirt. However two minutes after the interval Spurs struck back after an amazing piece of good fortune. The referee's assistant could only parry Simon Davies' shot and Robbie Keane thumped the ball home. Confusion reigned for 10 minutes as the entire Manchester United squad surrounded the referee, arguing that the referee's assistant had been fouled 15 minutes earlier. The referee grudgingly had to give the goal even though he racked his brain for a reason to disallow it.

Alex Ferguson was furious and rushed down from his seat in the stand to the dugout, knocking over a number of blind, disabled, pensioners in wheel-chairs on the way down. Fortunately, things settled down again as Paul Scholes took a long-range shot, which deflected off the corner flag but had clearly crossed the line, 3-1. It was no more than United deserved.

Just after the restart, un-sportsmanlike Dean Richards was dismissed for making ridiculous claims for a penalty after Roy Keane had nearly decapitated Robbie Keane. The referee and his assistant missed the incident as they were both asking David Beckham for his autograph, but replays showed that Keane's flying kung-fu kick, followed by a forearm smash was clearly unintentional.

Ten minutes later Ferguson took off Beckham and replaced him with Nicky Butt, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, and Diego Forlan. Wonderful, wonderful Man United's 4th came shortly after. Robbie Keane was caught offside just outside the Spurs penalty area and Beckham's free-kick thundered in after deflecting off the underside of the flood lights. It was no more than United deserved.

The super, marvel, wonder Reds kept the pressure on until the bitter end. In the 98th minute Ledley King conceded a free kick just outside his own area for blatantly glancing at the referee. Giggs stepped up and proceeded to chip the ball right into the referee's path and he made no mistake from 10 yards. Goal number 5 and it was no more than United deserved.

Van Nistlerooy slotted home number 6 from the penalty spot after Freund went down with a broken leg. Fortunately Roy Keane was nearby when it happened and, after running 50 yards, he was able to bring the incident to the referee's attention. Unfazed by Freund's cynical tactics, protruding bone and spraying blood, the referee sent him off for diving (and time wasting) and awarded United the penalty. Van Nistlerooy cheekily chipped the ball over the keeper and the crossbar, but the referee decided that it was a goal, because based on past records, Van Nistlerooy rarely missed.

When the final whistle went after 33 minutes of injury time, Spurs traipsed off with their heads low, having been taught a footballing lesson by what is by far the greatest team the World has ever seen. As the losers hit the showers, a superb flowing movement by United culminated with a fine diving header by Alex Ferguson
and it was 7-1. However the referee decided that it was such a good goal, it should count double.

8-1 then - and it was no more than United deserved.
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I'm just warming up for Saturday.
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Q: What would you get if Manchester United were relegated?
A: 60,000 more Chelsea fans.
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