The Elder Scrolls Online Review: Epic Adventure Or Epic Fail?

Copy Pasta And Loot

Copy Pasta

For your edification, oh attentive reader, I’ve taken to assembling an infographic to list all of the dungeons that you can explore in The Elder Scrolls Online. There are 104 in total across the lands of Tamriel, not accounting for a small handful of “public group” dungeons. Seventy-three of those 104 dungeons are copy/pasted, and 31 are (as of this writing) not duplicated. 

70.19% of dungeons you explore in The Elder Scrolls Online will look the same, because they are the same.

The interiors of buildings in each of the alliances fare no better, with roughly a half-dozen grand total structural interiors between the three alliances. If you, as a player, have already been in an area where the game looks remarkably familiar, that’s because it is. In gaming circles and on Reddit, this heinous practice is called “copy pasta”, and this reviewer has witnessed no greater offender since Dragon Age 2 burnt our eyes out and made us beg for our fifty bucks back.

Loot

Loot is part of the reason we play MMOs. It makes you feel a sense of accomplishment to find a nice piece of equipment you can swap out, a sparkling gem that you can sell for a good chunk of change, or a nifty rare item that makes you feel accomplished for vanquishing that tyrannical boss monster. In The Elder Scrolls Online, if you kill a boss, you can get a gold piece or two, and possibly some worms that you can fish with. Side note: although cooking and fishing are both skills, you cannot currently cook any fish you catch. Anyway, the loot table does not appear to scale or change by much, as low-level bosses appear to drop the same amount of gold (one to four pieces each) as higher-level boss monsters. As for context on what a single gold coin can purchase, know that a decent horse clocks in at around 42,000 gold.

Therefore, there is very little sense of victory or success in defeating an enemy, because you know that you’ll not likely get anything worthwhile from it.

The Elder Scrolls Online, while scant on the other qualities that Elder Scrolls games have brought to the table, somehow managed to keep the irritating “feature” of being able to collect utterly useless trash items at a breakneck pace. If you’re really keen on securing that eighth copy of the recipe for Goat Dumpling Stew, or those bug guts that the epic atronach overlord had on him after he died, you’ll find the items gleaned from your adventures to be fulfilling. Even more brutal is the fact that the gear players collect and cobble together causes every player of the same race to end up looking like every other player of the same race, and even the rare set pieces look like the non-set pieces. 

During one’s time on the newbie island, you can encounter a goodly number of chests to open as you explore and go adventuring. After level eight or so, chests get rarer and rarer until spotting one is an extraordinary event and entirely unexpected.

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  • gaborbarla
    I am hoping that Bethesda goes back to what it does best and make single player games. It is disappointing that they have used so much of their resources to jump on the MMO bandwagon, surely this must have delayed something great that would have come out by now.
    34
  • tomfreak
    I say Epic Fail.
    18
  • heero yuy
    I like how there are two people in this comments section who have commented the same thing twice each who's accounts were made on may the 1st and have only made those two comments
    said comments are saying the game is great I am enjoying it why is no one else because this game is the best game ever
    this wouldn't happen to be zenimax paying some company to make comments about how good the game is where they see a lot of negativity would it?

    more on topic I played the beta found my self struggling to get to level 10 because I kept falling asleep from boredom
    16
  • Other Comments
  • blackmagnum
    Fus Ro Dah?
    -9
  • tomfreak
    I say Epic Fail.
    18
  • gaborbarla
    I am hoping that Bethesda goes back to what it does best and make single player games. It is disappointing that they have used so much of their resources to jump on the MMO bandwagon, surely this must have delayed something great that would have come out by now.
    34
  • sumuser
    I admit, Joe Pishgar has a humorous perspective on some of ESO shortcomings.

    Joe brings up good points and I would say the review is honest from the standpoint of someone who just doesn't "get the game". I'm certainly not here to be Zenimax's fanboy, if one doesn't like the game then by all means unsub / uninstall.

    However, I'm having a great time with ESO so far and it seems like there are a lot of patches, fixes, improvements, tweaking, and even more substantial content on the way. If swords and magic is your idea of a cool MMO game than its worth checking out for yourself in my opinion.

    PS
    If you're a "temperamental" gamer who wants minimal bugs and glitches with polished content and mechanics in a modern MMO, maybe wait 6 - 12 months after release to try it out ;)
    -14
  • jossrik
    I played the beta, and it sounds like it hasn't gotten a lot better, personally, I couldn't see paying the sub. There are so many f2p/buy the game no sub that are good, not great even, but good that the sub methodology just doesn't work for me anymore.
    15
  • stevenmi89
    wow joe bent zenimax over a small table and made their butthole raw.

    i played beta and was not impressed whatsoever.
    12
  • LongLostUser
    I personally find this game very enjoyable. Theres been alott of negativity around eso before release and I seems like this colors the press. Every game has got problems in the start. Ive played more than a few mmos and eso got fewer starting problems than many of them.
    Public dungeons are pretty boring, but I find the quests and the variety to be quite good. The maps and areas are different from each other and quite visually good. Regarding open world bosses and dungeon bosses, well. the writer should really put some extra time in trying to fight them. If he gives up after 10 seconds and die, he really doesnt have a clue what he's doing. Some bosses requires more than one player and a good combination abilities.
    I think its sad that eso get so poorly reflected reviews like this. Its a faaar better mmo than Guild wars 2 and I recomend people to give it a try.
    What a sad review. Toms should really be able to do better.
    -21
  • maxiim
    Was downvoted to oblivion a year or so back when I said on some article here that ESO will be a over hyped polished turd. Guess many were just mad, wonder how they feel now if they ended up spending the money buying the game....
    14
  • Zombie615
    I couldn't have said it better myself. This game is the biggest waste of $60 I've ever spent on a game. As much as I hate to say that it's entirely true. I've never been so disappointed in a game and I would have never expected this magnitude of disappoint to come from the one series that I've known an loved since my younger years.

    Personally they should just chalk it up as a failure an move on. I literally cancelled my membership 2 days after purchasing the game because it only took me a few hours to decide it was the worst pile of horse dung I had ever encountered. After realizing I had practically been fooled into purchasing this game my thought in mind is how many steam games I could have bought for that $60. Honestly things have slowly degraded in all aspects of gaming. So many companies are going to the quick money grab route an luring people in with enticing trailers where half the advertised content isn't even included.

    If you haven't purchased this game I highly recommend you spend your dollars elsewhere. I'd consider purchasing Skyrim 3 times over before I bought this game an I wasn't even that into Skyrim. That's just how bad this game is. Do yourself a favor use that $60 to go out an have a nice dinner. You won't have a sour taste in your mouth afterwards like you would had you purchased this trash.
    12
  • zzzaac
    Ah, it isn't an Elder Scrolls game without bugs
    -7
  • Zombie615
    Anonymous said:
    Ah, it isn't an Elder Scrolls game without bugs


    The bugs aren't even the big issue here. In general the game just sucks....period.
    8
  • Pgamer77
    Are you guys just pissed because its not F2P? Get over it and smell the coffee, there is no such thing as F2P games.

    This game is awesome...what the hell can you compare it to?

    Play WoW? yawn

    Play D&D online? And jump and run threw walls to get to boss fights because of glitches.

    GW2...Beautiful game, endless grinding unless you want to pay to get stuff.

    Yes I agree there is some bugs and glitches in the game, some things that do need to be addressed and some game play polished...TESO is working on the issues... read the updates and upcoming patches!

    Lets not forget game launched on 4-4-14,,,,not even a dam month old.

    What a terrible review.... my question is.. How much are the other games paying you to flame such a Epic game?
    -22
  • Haravikk
    This article is absolutely terrible, with a total lack of objectivity in it whatsoever. It's less of a review and more of a pointless, childish rant.

    Don't get me wrong, I'm not exactly the games biggest fan either; I was glad to be a part of the beta, and while I enjoyed it well enough, it just didn't feel enough like an Elder Scrolls game to keep me hooked. For fans of MMOs it's really just an iterative, rather than innovative, addition that offers more of the same; as an MMO it's not so bad, but it doesn't solve any of the real problems that other MMOs have faced either.

    As an Elder Scrolls game though it's disappointing; it's a huge shame too as I was really interested in the main story, and loved how the war and guilds all tied into it (rather than being strangely unrelated elements like in other TES games). However, the gameplay just gets too dull over time, levelling doesn't feel very significant, and the online elements really ruin the experience; having other players roaming everywhere destroys immersion, especially when they're competing for loot and enemies, and making a mockery of boss-battles. This is especially annoying when the capabilities clearly exist to do things better; the handful of instanced (private) dungeons are far more enjoyable, and on the occasions where you do get private (not visible to other players) enemies out in the wilderness, it works well. I just wish players could get a more private experience, with only hub areas (cities etc.) showing other players to give a feel of habitation. By making players share enemies in the wilderness you get the multiple problems of broken immersion, struggling to find enemies to fight, and enemies that respawn too quickly, making you feel like you didn't achieve anything by fighting them.

    So yeah, there's lots of potential, and it could still evolve to be a good game, but it needs to heavily reign in the intrusive online elements and focus on what makes TES games great by making levelling feel more worthwhile, and giving us a more fluid combat system.
    -22
  • heero yuy
    I like how there are two people in this comments section who have commented the same thing twice each who's accounts were made on may the 1st and have only made those two comments
    said comments are saying the game is great I am enjoying it why is no one else because this game is the best game ever
    this wouldn't happen to be zenimax paying some company to make comments about how good the game is where they see a lot of negativity would it?

    more on topic I played the beta found my self struggling to get to level 10 because I kept falling asleep from boredom
    16
  • clownbaby
    I've never felt so bad about dropping $70 on a game. I've gotten ZERO enjoyment so far from this title, and if I want to fire it up in the future for a second go, I have to lay out another $15 for every calendar month I want to maybe play it.

    I'm chalking this one up as a loss. Was hoping to rekindle the long lost feeling of firing up WOW for the first time a decade ago. Not this time.
    10
  • vertexx
    @sumuser & longlostuser - yes, it's obvious you're the same person (who also isn't familiar with the Tom's forum bug of double-posting your comments when you refresh after a post). Clearly someone from Zenimax trying to do damage control. Probably the same guy who created dummy users on bit-tech.net after their absolutely scathing review (scathing with British humor = priceless).

    I can't tell you how glad I am that I did not purchase this game, especially since I would have had to buy multiple licenses. Myself and my 3 sons are HUGE Skyrim fans - I purchased 4 licenses because we play it so much. The modding community for Skyrim has just kept us coming back for more with that game.

    Because of the expense of ESO, I was considering purchasing 2 licenses and then sharing game time, dreading the inevitable fighting over game-time. The boys were begging me to buy. I was able to hold them off by re-building a new Skyrim mod-pack using all the latest mods out there. I'm so glad I did that now.

    Someone on the Bit-tech forums put it perfectly... ESO could have been "Skyrim with Friends". I couldn't put it better myself. I run multiple Minecraft servers (one for each son with their friends). They have a blast with mods and downloadable maps. Skyrim with Friends would have been totally awesome in that same regard.

    In my mind, ESO had the opportunity to remake the MMO genre. In fact, they could have probably made something better for less $$ invested. Why not just do a server version of an expanded Skyrim with the option to either download and host your own server or to subscribe? That would have been easier; it would have been better; and it would have been more successful.

    Everything I have read says ESO is a flop. Some articles are more restrained than others, but in the end the consensus has formed on ESO, and it's not pretty. Thanks Tom's for laying it straight out.
    14
  • Onus
    Well, I was going to pass anyway due to the subscription, but this review can be excellently summarized by "SLAMMM!!"
    -6
  • ubercake
    Great review Joe! I feel just about the same way about this game.

    Newly-release MMOs have to be something different than what we've already seen to succeed. With ESO we have the same old stuff in a different location and on a different day. And think about the first year cost: $240. This is to play a repetitive rehash of the last free-to-play MMORPG you've played.

    If you've never played an MMORPG, this might seem different, but once you reach max level after a couple of months, you'll wonder what's left. You can't level up any more and they'll introduce new, but repetitive content every few months, but you still can't level up and you'll spend 10s of hours looking for some awesome rare artifact that you might, hopefully, be able to use in PvP.

    Someone has to figure out how to make people want to keep playing after hitting the max level and how to make an MMORPG that's not just like the last one with different scenery.
    5
  • Haravikk
    Anonymous said:
    I am hoping that Bethesda goes back to what it does best and make single player games. It is disappointing that they have used so much of their resources to jump on the MMO bandwagon, surely this must have delayed something great that would have come out by now.

    Just wanted to note that while Bethesda probably did have some involvement, they aren't really responsible for ESO as a whole, some team within Zenimax (the parent company) were given ESO to do. Bethesda themselves are most likely working on the next Fallout title (if there's going to be one), otherwise they'll maybe be looking towards the next proper Elder Scrolls game.

    It's sad though, I think ESO has all the right story elements to make a great TES game, but adding online onto that currently ruins it. I really do hope the ESO team can refine the game into something more like a real TES title, as I'd love to go back and try it again, but for the current price it just isn't worth it.
    4
  • neiroatopelcc
    The game's not perfect, but by far not as aweful as protrayed here - at least in my opinion.
    There are a host of bugs that are annoying, but most have been addressed relatively fast.
    Crafting animates to cooperate in the guilds you're in (because of set craft requirements) and the slowness of crafting improvements is subjective. If you deconstruct what you find along the way, you can craft stuff that's a tier or two better than you can wear at any point. I was able to craft veteran 1 potions at level 35 and cloth at level 43 for the same level. It's designed this way to make sure you don't 'max out' too fast I think. Either way, it's not a hindrance.
    And the boring aspect that the review author experiences and keeps experiencing is a personal thing. I find the story very intriguing and therefore find the game enjoyable from the first quest to the last. The only time I am annoyed by them is when I run into a problem like a boss not spawning or a quest which requires you to think to solve it (yes despite being an mmo, it has quests that require active thought).

    It's two times more likely that you remember negative than positive things, so I'll list the shortcommings I've noticed in the game:
    1) reporting spammers results in you getting an email from customer support every time, so you're less likely to bother.
    2) response times of customer support are on par with billing support for world of warcraft - which means by the time they reply, you've given up or solved the problem on your own.
    3) for some features that you'd expect to just be there, you'll have to get an addon (readily available). This includes the minimap and timers that tell you when research or horse feeding is available.
    4) it's very easy to end up with a skills build that doesn't actually work well in the game, and resetting it is expensive. However it must be noted that this means you're more likely to consciously think about your build instead of just copying something from the internet like most other mmo's
    5) some guild features that you can't solve with addons are missing. This includes a schedule/calendar for planning events and an option to see when a member's been online last.

    Overall though, I think the game's brilliant. I'm not sure how long it'll stay great, but I'm not tired of it yet.
    4