• AMD to Win Cyberdyne Systems CPU Contract

SUNNYVALE, CA – In an interesting move, Friday, Cyberdyne Systems Corporation opened up bidding for its next generation chip production of the much-anticipated “T” line.

The main contenders for the bid are shaping up to be Santa Clara-based Intel, Armonk-based IBM, and Sunnyvale-based AMD. Speculation abounds as to AMD’s upper hand in the bid due to its shared geographic location and similar corporate culture.

“We’re entering an exciting new era of AI chip design,” said Dr. Miles Bennett Dyson, head of Cyberdyne special projects.  “Having such an experienced and motivated group of contractors available to assist in the development and production is a real credit to the industry. The new T-series chips will revolutionize the way we interact with our machines; everything from new military applications unmanning the front lines to more intelligent, modern kitchens will soon be every-day realities, as opposed to science fiction.”

Cyberdyne Systems leapt to prominence in the chip design industry in the mid-1980’s. Before that time, it was best known for its large-scale industrial hydraulic presses. “We saw the writing on the wall,” commented Dyson. “We just had a feeling that microprocessors were going to be the way of the future and we gambled with a massive investment in R&D. With a lot of hard work, and a bit of luck, that gamble has paid off big!”

Most of Cyberdyne’s contracts have been heavily funded by the US Strategic Air Command-North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD). The military has high hopes for artificial intelligence-powered, unmanned drones and weapons, and even, one day, fully autonomous android soldiers. However, some detractors have argued that there may be serious ethical dilemmas in the use of such “robot soldiers.” Art Roberts, a professor of computer science at MIT, has frequently and publicly expressed concern over the use of such soldiers.

“A robot does not know the difference between right and wrong,” said Roberts to Tom’s Hardware senior robotic war analyst Arthur Rocks.  “It only knows what the developers have programmed into it. Even if such a machine could be taught some basic ethical standards, who’s to say that the system wouldn’t be flawed? If these things ran on Windows Vista, they would be stealing your jacket and motorcycle and killing police officers before you could say ‘Astalavista!’”

AMD president and fellow Sunnyvale resident Dirk Meyer addressed some of these concerns at a press conference earlier today. “These wild and speculative claims are nothing more than fear mongering and delusions of a paranoid mind. Do you remember that poor, insane woman a few years ago who was caught vandalizing Cyberdyne headquarters? She believed the company was going to cause the end of the world and said that robots from the future were out to get her. That’s the kind of mindset we’re dealing with here, plain and simple crazies.”

Both Cyberdyne and AMD’s share were up over 3-percent at the close of the bell after the announcements.

[• This story, marked with a • is weekend entertainment content only and should not to be considered factual ]
Image: courtesy of http://www.flickr.com/photos/extraketchup/

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  • apache_lives
    Come with me if you want to live
  • arkhon
    jkflipflop98Stem cell research is banned because ignorant christian groups that run this country don't like abortion. To them, any time they hear the word "stem cells", they instantly connect it to "dead fetus".

    Right, and there will inevitably be quite strong opposition to true AI by people who hear Artificial Intelligence and think Terminator.
  • Spanky Deluxe
    Isn't this the opening scene of one of the Terminator films?
  • Other Comments
  • Spanky Deluxe
    Isn't this the opening scene of one of the Terminator films?
  • naveedy
    Wait....its not april fools day.....wtf?
  • arkhon
    spanky deluxeIsn't this the opening scene of one of the Terminator films?

    The Terminator films were just that--films. We're still many years away from even having the technology to be able to do those sorts of things with computers, and even when we are, we're almost definitely going to have regulations. Look at the regulations and restrictions that are already placed on stem cell research, despite the overwhelming potential pay-offs involved.