13 April Fools’ Day Tech Announcements We’re Pumped About

April Fools’ Day Tech Announcements

April Fool’s Day is here, and it’s brought with it some exciting tech product announcements. We’ve rounded up 13 of our favorite holiday releases that we know you’ll want to get your hands on ASAP. (Disclaimer: All of these are (hilarious) April Fool’s Day jokes; save your money for actual cool tech).

HyperX’s Cup Noodles Headset

HyperX mixed together the finest ingredients for the HyperX Cup MIX-IN headset. Not only does it have white memory foam ear pads, but the Noodlette ear pad, is “woven together with noodle fibers, delivering the silky soft caress of ramen noodles. HyperX's groundbreaking technology is taken to even greater depths with the Dual-Chamber Drivers, offering the largest noodle chambers on the market.”

Bonus, the Microphork microphone takes care of “slurping-based reverberations.” Finally.

Zotac Gaming Electric Car

Zotac is expanding past graphics cards and small form factor PCs and into the fast-paced world of electric cars. As reported by CRN Germany, Zotac is betting big with a compact electric car. But for some reason Zotac is saying it’s fit for gamers? Oh, that’s right; it has RGB lighting.

Nvidia R.O.N: Gaming Voice Assistant

Alexa, meet GeForce RTX R.O.N. Naturally, Nvidia’s “holographic assistant” is only compatible with RTX 20-series graphics cards. It connects to your gaming PC to coach you as you play while projecting 3D augmented reality maps, levels and data--NBD. THe best part? According to Nvidia, “It just works.”

Practicing Safe Web Surfing

Everyone’s at risk for phishing attacks. They’re those misleading emails, messages, webpages and ‘African princes’ that try to fraud their way to your personal info. Well, the Phishing Prevention Finger Condom is the responsible way to surf the web.

The Defence Works’ "state-of-the-art finger condoms provide the ultimate protection for your employees against online infections and pesky viruses." Of course, the only 100 percent effective way to avoid risk is abstinence from the internet.

Newegg iBrite RGB CPU

Newegg has introduced the iBRITE RGB CPU, a 100-core, 200-thread processor that “probably” supports DDR5 RAM and LGA 1151. You can also overclock this bad boy, as long as you’re okay with creating “a small black hole inside your CPU.” Newegg lists the processor at $4,999.99.

Google Screen Cleaning App

Isn’t it time apps did everything for us? Everything should be able to be done in an app, even if it’s something more easily done by one's self. And Google should probably be involved somehow.

Well thank goodness for Google’s introduction of Screen Cleaner into its Files app. It "uses geometric dirt models, combined with haptic micromovement pulses, to dislodge what’s stuck to your screen" -- you know, high-tech Google stuff.

Dota 3: An Epic Games Store Exclusive

The gaming store wars heated up today when Dota 3 was announced as an Epic Games Store Exclusive via PCGamesN. According to the publication, Valve co-founder Gabe Newell isn’t taking the news well, with PCGamesN (jokingly) quoting him as saying Dota 3 developers were "taking his “pre-order money" whilst "quietly negotiating an exclusivity arrangement behind the scenes."

He brought more credence to the argument stating “What is good for the industry is releasing every game on Steam, constantly, until the end of time – especially our games!"

Corsair Game Launcher Launcher

But perhaps exclusive games wouldn’t be so much of a burden if you can access all your favorite game launchers with ease. Corsair’s Game Launcher Launcher organizes your game launchers so the launching of any single launcher is launched with ease.

Tinder Height Verification

Dating is scary, and online dating is even scarier, with the amount of anonymity, the threat of dangerous creeps and the overwhelming number of directions you can swipe (left? right? It’s all too much!).

Tinder, a classy dating app, is bringing trust to online dating with Height Verifications. Now users with certified-accurate heights get a special badge. Because if there’s anything you don’t want future dates lying to you about on the internet, it’s their height.

Intel Xe GPU Lineup and Release Date

Wccftech reported some big fake news today. Apparently the Intel Xe GPU architecture was detailed at a recent "high-profile ‘Xe Unleashed' event." The big news is that the first offering will be called the Intel X2 GPU and rock four -- count 'em four -- GPUs. You can expect that on the imaginary date of June 31, 2019 and boast four GPs.

Scharon Harding

Scharon Harding has a special affinity for gaming peripherals (especially monitors), laptops and virtual reality. Previously, she covered business technology, including hardware, software, cyber security, cloud and other IT happenings, at Channelnomics, with bylines at CRN UK.