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Tom's Hardware's Biggest CPU Shoot-Out, Ever

Tom's Hardware's Biggest CPU Shoot-Out, Ever
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Introduction

If you want to see the fastest processors compared, then go check out our performance charts, which were recently updated to include the three available Intel Core i7 processors (and are in the process of being updated to include Phenom II).

Today, I don’t really care how fast our test beds encode H.264 video, nor do I care about power consumption or overclocking. In fact, today’s shoot-out won’t even see us comparing different processors to competing models. Rather, you’ll only see one CPU in this shoot-out: AMD’s Opteron.

It just so happens that the gentlemen in AMD’s Austin, Texas office have a sense of humor, a proclivity for plinking, and two trays of what are referred to as mechanical samples—stillborn CPUs that look like the real deal; they just won’t boot…

…at least I hope not. After all, it’d be a shame to do what I’m about to do to these things if they were functional processors. Guess we’ll never know, though, because today’s shoot-out sees an arsenal of firepower tested using the destruction of Opteron processors as our sole benchmark.

How do heat spreaders, PCBs, and silicon die hold up to handguns, shotguns, rifles, and light machine guns? There’s only one way to find out…

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  • 17 Hide
    one-shot , April 1, 2009 6:50 AM
    I am grateful that Toms had an article about firearms and CPUs. I target shoot and own several guns myself. This is very welcome. Did you use 55gr FMJs with the .223? I noticed the muzzle velocity was 3200FPS, which sounds about right for 55gr bullets. I have two .223 caliber rifles myself, one hunting, the other target. I use 50gr in one and 69gr in the other. It's too bad FMJs couldn't have been used in the SKS. Great April Fool's joke/article!
  • 13 Hide
    neiroatopelcc , April 1, 2009 10:31 AM
    cangeliniSame here--that's why I had to add the bit about being in California. We have a .50 cal ban in effect, on top of all the other things that are banned here.

    The terminator doesn't like competition ...
  • 13 Hide
    dirtmountain , April 1, 2009 7:10 AM
    Best shootout ever!
Other Comments
  • 12 Hide
    cangelini , April 1, 2009 6:29 AM
    Happy April Fool's? :-P
  • 17 Hide
    one-shot , April 1, 2009 6:50 AM
    I am grateful that Toms had an article about firearms and CPUs. I target shoot and own several guns myself. This is very welcome. Did you use 55gr FMJs with the .223? I noticed the muzzle velocity was 3200FPS, which sounds about right for 55gr bullets. I have two .223 caliber rifles myself, one hunting, the other target. I use 50gr in one and 69gr in the other. It's too bad FMJs couldn't have been used in the SKS. Great April Fool's joke/article!
  • 13 Hide
    dirtmountain , April 1, 2009 7:10 AM
    Best shootout ever!
  • 5 Hide
    mrubermonkey , April 1, 2009 7:20 AM
    Finally an article that I can understand. Thanks Angelini.
  • 5 Hide
    cangelini , April 1, 2009 7:21 AM
    one-shotI am grateful that Toms had an article about firearms and CPUs. I target shoot and own several guns myself. This is very welcome. Did you use 55gr FMJs with the .223? I noticed the muzzle velocity was 3200FPS, which sounds about right for 55gr bullets. I have two .223 caliber rifles myself, one hunting, the other target. I use 50gr in one and 69gr in the other. It's too bad FMJs couldn't have been used in the SKS. Great April Fool's joke/article!


    Glad you enjoyed it one-shot. Yes, these were 55 grain Wolf FMJ cartridges. And because they were Wolf, that just meant more clean-up after the fact! I had FMJ on-site for the SKS as well, but as mentioned in the story, that shooter was just obsessed with HPs, so he insisted on his own ammo for that one.
  • 0 Hide
    chaohsiangchen , April 1, 2009 7:44 AM
    Though nothing to do with benchmarking, this is definitely one of the best story EVAR!!!!
  • 0 Hide
    kyeana , April 1, 2009 8:14 AM
    shear briliance! totally made for a good laugh!
  • 1 Hide
    howarchaic , April 1, 2009 8:16 AM
    You guys have been watching too much top-gear...
  • 8 Hide
    cangelini , April 1, 2009 8:29 AM
    howarchaicYou guys have been watching too much top-gear...


    Is there such a thing?
  • 0 Hide
    Tindytim , April 1, 2009 8:29 AM
    Stillborns? Those look like they were aborted!

    MURDERERS!!!
  • 7 Hide
    gkay09 , April 1, 2009 8:48 AM
    Please do a shoot out with some intel CPU too :p 
  • 2 Hide
    gkay09 , April 1, 2009 8:52 AM
    I would like to see how the intel's CPU package stands against those firepower :p 
  • 1 Hide
    hustler539 , April 1, 2009 8:54 AM
    HaHa! great article!


    ...Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York. And that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
  • 5 Hide
    chaohsiangchen , April 1, 2009 9:02 AM
    gkay09Please do a shoot out with some intel CPU too


    I'd prefer that they'll be shooting products from Apple Inc. and taking motion picture with high speed camera.
  • 0 Hide
    neiroatopelcc , April 1, 2009 9:58 AM
    cangeliniIs there such a thing?

    Yes there is - if you are watching top gear australia at least ... it's so rediculous even one season is enough to satisfy a lifetime's need for it.

    The 'real' second generation top gear with jeremy though ... can't get too much of that really.

    ps. the very first topgear was very very rubbish - you should watch an episode just to get an idea how boring life must've been in the late 80s


    And - nice article. Different for sure. I'm not much into guns though, but I'd expected those shotguns to do more damage. Suppose a cpu is quite durable in the end.
  • 0 Hide
    curnel_D , April 1, 2009 10:04 AM
    I wish you guys could have used .50 armor piercing rounds too!
  • 0 Hide
    cangelini , April 1, 2009 10:18 AM
    curnel_dI wish you guys could have used .50 armor piercing rounds too!


    Same here--that's why I had to add the bit about being in California. We have a .50 cal ban in effect, on top of all the other things that are banned here.
  • 13 Hide
    neiroatopelcc , April 1, 2009 10:31 AM
    cangeliniSame here--that's why I had to add the bit about being in California. We have a .50 cal ban in effect, on top of all the other things that are banned here.

    The terminator doesn't like competition ...
  • 5 Hide
    cangelini , April 1, 2009 10:32 AM
    neiroatopelccThe terminator doesn't like competition ...


    LOL +1
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